"I wonder what Piglet is doing," thought Pooh.
"I wish I were there to be doing it, too."
- Winnie the Pooh
I keep this picture in my wallet.
Years may have passed, it was this same date when I first held your hand, that was the first time I met you and welcomed you to the world. From that moment, we formed a bond, a pact, a promise to always be there for each other whenever and wherever.
A person whom I shared my childhood and most of my life with, my brother, Jammy.
I gave him a lot of pet names, the last one was Piglet.
We grew up together. I always looked out for him because he is younger than me. He always used to walk behind me when we were smaller; later we walked side by side as we battled an invisible adversary called life. Never sharing the same beliefs, adhering to our own principles, yet our bond still existed and we would be there for each other when we needed to be.
He is the closest human being I ever had. He was someone I could trust without reservations. Someone who always stayed behind me to watch my back even when we were little. I know he supported me even though we did not always see eye to eye; we respected each other's decisions and would be there for when the time comes that we need to help.
I cannot even describe how I felt when it dawned on me that he was dying while I watched helplessly. No amount of words can justify the horror, the shock, the frustration, the ignominy and pain that overwhelmed me. I know people who saw me then would just accuse me for being a lying bitch because I seemed so composed. I was the only family member who did not cry during his wake and interment - I do not deny that. Nor do I feel the need to explain myself because I know my brother would have understood me. He was someone who I never had to verbally communicate to, to get my point across. I feel and know that a part of me died when we lost him.
Up to this time I remain firm in my beliefs, I do not want to hold him back because I believe that he is destined to be in a better place. While I do not celebrate his death - I still celebrate his life. I cherish every memory we shared and will keep them where prying eyes can never take them away from me. I am thankful that I had a chance to know him, to be his older sister who he liked to tease a lot.
I have painstakingly taught myself that things that are way beyond my control are facts that I have to live with and even if those things happen I can still find ways to console myself. In this instance I am left with memories. A double edged knife as some would say - both happy and painful each time I look back. Happy because I cherish and treasure them. Painful, because I will always miss my brother so much.
Happy birthday Piglet! I still celebrate your life because I will be thankful for the time you have spent with us.
Advance birthday cupcakes.
"Death ends a life, not a relationship."
I know someday we will meet again and he will say, "Pao pao andito ka na. Tumanda at lalo ka pa pumanget. Tignan mo ko wala pinagbago!" (Pao pao you're finally here. You have grown old and ugly. Look at me, I haven't changed at all.") while he flashes me a big grin.
And, I will give him this face:
Be very, very scared Piggie! Pao's coming to get you someday!
"See you at the crossroads..."
Until then my favorite sibling, my partner in crime, greatest critique, shock absorber, stern adviser, the silent reinforcement, my countenance, my dearest brother.
“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”