whimsical whatnots and whatever...: in loving memory of my brother, Jammy

Sunday, April 17, 2011

in loving memory of my brother, Jammy

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dreams are more powerful than facts - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - love is stronger than death.
- Robert Fulghum

my brothers Enrico and Jammy with my mom.

family picture.

A day before his wedding my brother Jammy met an accident and joined our creator.

I do not want to go into specifics of his demise. Although I have come to realize that we are all stronger than what we think. Sometimes when the situation calls for it and we no longer have a choice, we are able to do things we never thought were possible. Another realization which hit me is that, human life is so fragile - no amount of money can buy one's life back. Death is not something that can be circumvented. I felt so helpless standing before my brother knowing I couldn't do anything about it while he was in coma ( before I went to the hospital I was informed that it was impossible for him to pull through). I hated the feeling of having to stand there knowing I can't do anything to alleviate the pain. Yet I knew it was time to say goodbye...

I quote this from a note I gave during his last birthday:

"I still remember, although I can only recall parts of it now. I was only about 2 years old then, and everyone was running around in circles; I remember being confused as what to everyone was doing all at the same time.

Being just a toddler, I pouted and waited, then our grandmother said that my little brother was born. I took the oppurtunity to wander around and sneak inside the nursery because everyone was busy doing whatever they were into then, and I held your hand for the first time, muttering kapatid ko(my brother).. Afterwhich I got in trouble and was quickly sent out upon being caught by the nurse.

That was the first time I met you."

As I watch his life drained away the only thing I could do was just stand there, hold his hand again for the last time and tell him that I didn't want to see him suffer - he shouldn't worry anymore because I will try to take care of things somehow. And that he should go back to the One who gave us life if he is being called back.

"During times when I wanted to cry or when I wanted to hear the truth I would always seek for your counsel despite your nonchalant nature and detachment to certain things. You are one of the people whose opinion I really trust - your opinions and advices are always unbiased and well thought of. For those times when I annoyed you and I started to weep, you'd always find a way to crack me up. I guess I never have really gotten around to thanking you for everything."

My brother always told me not to cry. I knew he got annoyed whenever he saw me in tears so I am still trying not to but if I should fail in doing so which I know I probably will that I'm sorry - It's hard not to because he will be missed. I will keep all our memories in my heart.

I know that there are occurences and events that are beyond our control. We just have to trust in God. Pray for his guidance and uplift all the pain to our Lord, God and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Talking about him in public would have made me bawl like a new born kid with a very bad temper that's why I deemed it best to thank everyone who extended their sympathies with our family during his funeral and interment.

I am sorry I suck at human emotions. It is something I would rather evade at any given day. I know Jammy would understand this more than anyone could. :)

Lastly, I would like to ask for prayers for his soul and prayers for my family to accept the new changes in our life.

"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death."

- Unknown